Help Me.. Im morphing into a monster

Can someone seriously tell me whats wrong with me? I feel like im morphing into a monster.. no, not like the superheroes in fantastic4 but perhaps the bastard whos fucking up the world around him. Yeah, you get the idea. Why do i say this? Well, first things first, I think im becoming a control freak. Im obsessed about being in control of every little detail and things that go on around me. Like I get pissed when i see someone using the bench i want to use in the gym. When all I need to do is to come by again in half an hour but no, i have this rage inside me to want to kill the person. And another reason why I think Im morphing into a monster is my hot headedness. Especially towards my Dad. Yes, I really am an unfilial son i feel. But I dont know why Im just so easily annoyed by him. Okay, my brother and my mum also seem to be annoyed too because Daddy is sucha nag and eccentric person. But Im aware that my attitude towards him is spiralling out of control. Thats not supposed to be the way a son treats his dad.. i know this but i just cant curb my anger when it comes. Once again I need some anger management. I dont know where all this rage and bottled up emotions suddenly swelled up from but I certainly hope it will come to an end soon. Actually bros, this is why sometimes im reluctant to bring my friends home. My relationship with my dad has made me a very sulky and different person at home and i dont really want to let you guys see me in that light or worse still, get caught up in a full heated argument with my dad. Ok enough about my emotional problems i dont want to be seen as a freak or psycho.

Its Saturday and im stoning alone at home. Brother Jack is at a party, hunter n jaspy also busy at a party albeit our Nations Birthday Party. Brother Chewbacca is missing again.. perhaps hes out with his dream girl.. in that case.. all the best and hope to hear some good news and juicy details=) As for Sabrina, Im wondering whats shes doing now. Well, last night she msged me out of the blue.. a short conversation and shes off to bed. Ended with saying, 'hope everything is alright between us?'.. well you should know whether its alright or not. What kinda question is that man. Anyway, few days ago she said this to me, ' if u want me back, why dont you just say so? I thought it was over the moment you told me you didnt love me anymore. I had to pick myself up. I dunno what to do, Colin' Well, I didnt reply her because frankly, I dont know what she do. Shouldnt she decide that for herself based on whats she feels? But in my mind, I answered her question. Q1:Why dont i tell her i want her back? Ans: Because I never said I want her back. I do still love her and Im asking her out that time not because i want her back. I wanna start things afresh. See if we can still fall in love, see if we can reignite the passion and if the chemistry is still there. What I do not want is to get back with her simply because we were once together and because we miss each other thats why we get back together. Thats why I wanna ask her out on dates and let her and myself as well see if we are indeed meant to be and then probably we will be in a better position to decide if we should salvage our lost relationship. Im scared. Scared that if we make up on a whim, things will just revert back to the state it was after sometime. After one rough patch and tough period, I dont want to go through the pain again and least of all, for her to go through it again. But as I said, she cancelled on the date because she didnt think it was 'the right thing to do' Well, since you know the right thing to do, then dont ask me what you should do. Because you know it. Do the right thing.

Brother Jack, we all are childish and have embarassing revealations/thoughts from time to time. Everyone have flaws and thats what make us human and individuals isnt it? Having said that, I gotto admit that i can pretty much identify with your feelings because im terribly self-conscious and always worried about what people might think of me as well.