I Tried, I Tried, I Tried and I Failed.

What did i try? I tried talking and communicating with her more. In any case, we ended because she thinks we having a communication breakdown among other things. But that was definitely somewhere on the top of the 'what-went-wrong' list. So yeah it boils down to communication again i guess. But as bro jaspy puts it, sometimes i feel so comfortable with just her presence that i neglect the need to verbalise. Apparently, she has other ideas then. So what can I do about it? I tried to rekindle the old flames of passion, i tried to show her that we still can communicate as we did when we first embark on our 1 year relationship. We had sucha wonderful chat that night (and just to digress abit here, no im not playing my sneaky game and keepin u brothers in the dark.. it was an impromptu decision to stop by her house instead.. a voice at the back of my mind that directed me there. I had every intention to go AMK to meet the brothers there but we did indeed talk until it was really late.) and it made me wonder how communication could be the downfall when we obviously still had it going? What else did i try? I tried to ask her out for a movie maybe hoping again then it will bring back some feelings or not so both of us will be more sure whether theres still hope. Everything was going on as plan.. movie on Friday at cine.. dinner after that. Until I failed. I failed when she messaged a couple of hours ago because she didnt think it was a good idea afterall. Yup so that pretty much sums up the rollercoaster of emotions i have been feeling these past few days. Yes brothers i know we guys have been very supportive of this relationship and been behind me all this while. I dont know whats wrong with me. I had everything I want at this point of time. I am on my way to do what i always wanted to do. I never had to worry about not having enough to spend. I have great friends like you guys around. And I had the perfectly loving girl. But i still manage to screw my life up. Am i suffering from depression or something? What the fuck do i have to be depressed about anyway i wonder. I feel so lucky yet unfortunate sometimes. I am gonna sort out my felings sometime, somehow. Okay, thats all for myself from me.

Hb.. brother Hb. Jasper and I always say you are an enigma and really, it isnt just a lame attempt to jiao you back. You probably are my closest friend among all others but sometimes I really cant imagine whats going through your mind. Maybe im just a terrible mind-reader or a fucking lousy brother. But if an ex-girlfriend of yours for 2 yrs also feels the same then perhaps its something real? Yes, im sorry for bringing her up. Brothers please dont hammer me for saying this because im in my 'im-gonna-say-whatever-ceebai-that-comes-to-my-mind' mood. Yes Hb, im gonna share a little story with you. Why I didnt say this earlier was because this just surfaced a couple of days ago and I also dont know how to bring it up but since you mentioned it now. Anyway, its like this.. I was having a conversation with Jennifer and inevitably the subject of Liana and you came up. I was curious and i asked her what actual went wrong on her side of the story. No, it wasnt Leon. At least unless shes lying to Jennifer or Jennifer is lying to me. Guess what, its the magic word again; COMMUNICATION. She claims that you dont share your feelings with her and she doesnt know you well enough despite the 2 years together. Thats why. Im not saying thats a valid reason because what the fuck is a relationship about if its not about finding out more about the other party right? But the point here is, perhaps you are indeed keeping a little more than neccessary and thats why I say you are an enigma sometimes.

So my conclusion for the day. Communication is the mother of all fuck ups. Yk and Hunter.. go for the girls of your dream. The brothers are always behind you as much as you guys where behind me when I was with Sabrina. But do make sure you address this fucked-up problem of communication. Dont make the same mistake as us who have tried.. and failed.

Its fucking 5a.m. and im having my daily dose of insomnia again. Maybe a shot of Chivas will help. But then again, why not a bottle instead? Cheers bros.