of depressing and miserly stuff...

yk and i share a good friend, whose mum just passed away. same age, u think about it, put ourselves in his shoes, and we'd be thinking how can that fucking possibly happen. we're still 20 only. we have many more 20 years to come. we still have to complete uni, earn money, set up family, make love and babies let our parents carry, how can that ever fucking possibly happen! it's times like this that make me feel fate and god can deal u a cruel hand. i know we are all guilty of angering or frustrating our parents every now and then, i just pray that all of us would start concealing or simmering that temper of ours, that smelly stubborness that is so characteristic of the brudders, that head-strong personalities in all of us, that ever-ready to snap attitude... have more patience, have more love, more understanding, then we will never regret doing or not doing something if one day such a thing should happen. this friend's loss is surely something we all can never ever come to empathise with because none of us have been in such a position. if any of us have been wankers to each other or to others as well, i say, lets stop this wanking attitude and turn-off behaviour. if u know that u can jolly well come out to meet the group, just fucking do it, why hide in some hermit shell. dun give some jiao excuses once more, no one will know if ure telling the truth.. only us ourselves who made the decisions will know. unless totally valid, lets meet up. i have been in a depressing mood lately, ppl have been asking y i look sian and stressed. truth is, sian maybe, stressed still ok, but y do i look like that? i dunno, i feel my life has come to a point where it is starting to lack meaning, to lack a certain direction, am devoting alot of myself and time to work and it doesn't really seem all that rewarding and worthwhile. i need something new to rejuvenate my mind, body and soul. like a morphine jab, like a sniff of bob marley's marijuana, like...like max brenner's choc bar fondue...like sex...or maybe not. but u all get my point. i feel like i'm entering some new phase in my life, where i need to have something concrete to work towards, something workable and something within my reach, some beacons to guide me along the way, for i may not have strength to do this alone. i dunno the point of this entry neither do i know where this typing is going...my mind is just drawing a blank right now. too many knots, too many clashes too many questions too many doubts...love u all...

jasper